JUDGING, EXPECTATIONS AND THE OTHER ONE

According to Dr. Carolyn Myss there are three rules we must adhere to in order to allow our creativity to fully express through us: 1) Don’t judge,  2) Have no expectation, 3) I can’t remember this one but will look it up.

Of course, I apply all three of these to my creativity as a writer.  I think that it should flow easily and effortlessly and if it doesn’t, then maybe I’m not really meant to write - Sounds like an expectation.  

I’m usually quite sure that even if I do write, no one would want to read it or if they do they’ll criticize it, so what’s the point? - hmmm, definitely judging.

I am sure I am also breaking rule number three even though I don’t recall it right now.  

Plus, if anybody knows I want to be a writer, then won’t they expect me to write? Won’t they ask me about it and then I would be embarrassed if I hadn’t written anything? Worse yet, what if they want to actually read something I’ve written? What if they think it’s stupid or just not very good?  My stomach churns just thinking about putting myself out there like that.  I think this is another rule: Don’t worry about what others think.

Maybe I’m too hung up on everything being “easy and effortless.”  Is that such a bad thing?  Probably not, but it can certainly pose limits on what one would attempt.  

I’m inspired when I read about writers that had a hard time getting their piece down on paper. Nevertheless, I am reading it in some sort of widely disseminated publication so they must have overcome the difficulty. I realize that “easy and effortless” doesn’t always flow to other writers either and that maybe if I just push through, the words will eventually end up on the paper.  

Then, inevitably, I’ll read about the writer that has always written. They were writing stories when they were children, they wrote the school paper, became journalism majors and went on to write article after article or book after book.  It seems the words just flow from them like water in a stream. I think I just recalled another rule:  Don’t compare yourself to others. 

I’m beginning to see where my blockages lie.  I’m breaking ALL of the rules! 

Now I’m feeling that rock in the pit of my stomach when I ask myself whether or not I should post this to my blog.  Like anybody actually reads my blog! Hardly anybody even knows about it although I did post the link on Facebook a few months ago.  No comments, no followers, nobody interested. OR, they read it, thought it was crap and won’t ever subject themselves to THAT again.  

See, there I go: judging, expecting, and worrying about the outcome. Hey! That’s the third rule - don’t worry about the outcome (something like that).   

OK - I’ll post.